The harder it is to succeed the stronger it makes you...

Tonight was spaghetti night in my house. 

Let me tell you about what this brings back to me this evening...

When I was about 4 years old, my Sicilian Grandmother (Nonni) lived with us.  I was the baby of the family and she loved to spend time with me teaching me how to do what she did best...cook italian.  What she helped create in me,  out of "so much love", ended up being my biggest life issue.  FOOD.  The LOVE of food, love of preparing food, love of tasting food, especially the love of feeding others and watching them delight in the amazing flavors that I can create because of my Nonni..

This is really hard for me to explain, but I will try.  I feel like I honor my Nonni when I cook the things she taught me and I love love eating the things I can create, but at the same time it is "these things" that are making me fat and unhealthy.  

Tonight I had another approach...I prepared the meals for my family,
I watched as my Dad ate my spaghetti with tomato basil sauce and I watched as my husband ate his spaghetti with meat sauce and sausage, AND I prepared my phase 2 meal...It was super hard for me not to want some spaghetti, but when I didn't give in to the want, I also took note of how powerful that made me feel.   "I HAVE CONTROL OVER ME AND MY CHOICES"!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I've had lots of tough things happen to me, but it's not someone else's fault I let myself get this heavy.  I am no longer into beating myself  up though. I am unquestionably holding myself VERY ACCOUNTABLE for MY OWN BEHAVIOR from this day forward...(my committment to myself)

It feels so freakin good to say that I cannot even tell you...............

To all my AffordableHCGDiet ladies, the ones who are always here...you know who you are...I love you and appreciate you more and more each day...thanks for walking this with me :)

Happily Ever After???

What will I look like when I am thinner??  Will it change me??  Will it change who I am???  Will I be more confident and more secure in myself???  Will I be willing to put myself out there more often with less fear of rejection??  Will I be more successful and more diligent in my pursuits???  I'm already feeling pretty proud of myself, pretty strong and determined.  I haven't felt that way about myself in years.  What happens if all your dreams come true???  Can we really live Happily Ever After???

Since when did cheating become "healthy"???

So I'm in Palm Springs for work this last weekend and it was next to impossible for me to stay on "protocol" for phase 2 of my diet.  So I decided that this would be a "cheat" weekend for me.  What I found so humorous is that a cheat weekend consisted of chicken salads, steak, veggies, chicken sandwich, tomato's, scrambled eggs, bacon etc....When I realized that my cheats were almost as healthy as the new food plan I've been on, I had to laugh...I took a bite out of a piece of danish and it didn't taste as good as being thinner is going to feel so I put it down.  The way I think is different...My "desires" for food are changing in their very nature.   Affordable HCG Diet has changed the way I view food and my reasons for eating it.  I am a new creation and I like very much who I am becoming...even before I get there.  It's not about what I'm going to look like, it's about the woman who is willing to walk the walk and not have to talk about it all the time.

Stay Strong...what does this mean to me???

"Stay strong" is no longer about "willpower" to me.  It is about my character.  It is about who I want to be for myself, my husband, my children, and the people I love.  I have  been a source of strength to others in my life, but never a source of strength for myself when it came to my health and well being...When I was very young, say in my teens, I was a hottie.  I look back at those pictures and think "wow, you really didn't know how beautiful you were".  Then at the tender age of 16 my virginity was taken from me by rape...at 21 years of age it happened to me again....SO...I put on a "fat suit" for safety and here it has remained.  Keeping me safe and sequestered from the real world and real life...  I want to do REAL life now, i want to  play and laugh and run, I want to find the me I lost so long ago.  Stay strong???  I've been stronger than I realize for my whole life, this is just the next necessary step.

Coming In For a Landing

Been with the program now for a little over a week.  This is a journey that until now, I have not wanted to take, but...as they say...there is a season for EVERY THING...this is the season of me...There are many "others" in my life and I love each and every one dearly and differently, but when I love someone, I love with "completeness" and as little judgement as possible.  That being said, I have spent a lifetime "loving others" and I wouldn't have it any other way, but here...now...it's time for me to love ME.  53 Years have passed and I believe I have "loving others" pretty close to figured out...Loving myself?????  What a freakin joke!  I have put my feet on a path that I seriously questioned whether or not I would ever go down, but now stopping me would be like stepping in the path of a bullet train.  I will not stop.  I will not surrender.  I will not be weak.  I will stay the course and not waiver.